I identify as genderqueer, but I was assigned female. Most of the time I'm alright with my body, I suppose. If I'm fully dressed, I can look in the mirror and generally be alright with what I see. Although if I look for too long, there's something too-feminine about me that I can't quite pin down. I'm almost always read as a girl, but at the very least, no longer a straight or normal one. Having friends that refer to me with the name and pronouns I like helps a lot.

My undressed body is a huge issue, though. If I lost a few pounds, I could probably be a pin-up model or something of the sort. I used to be proud of that, but not so much anymore. Sometimes I'm not sure whether my new dislike for my breasts is something I picked up from other transmasculine people. And then I remember how unexpectedly elated I was when I first tried on my binder. When I ordered it, I thought I'd only wear it about half the time, but I put it on and something clicked. I don't leave the house without it, now.

Since I stopped presenting as a girl, I've been a lot more confident and happy. For a long time I though I had dysthemia, since I really disliked myself and struggled on and off with depression. I'm not saying life is perfect, now, but that sort of self-loathing has pretty much evaporated.

I think that as I reconnect with my emotions, I also reconnect with my body. From an objective point of view, it's not bad but. It's not really mine. If I take off my clothes and look in the mirror, I see someone else. It's disorientating.

Also, since this is a clothing project, I thought I'd mention: men's shirts in the right size for my upper torso make my look fat because they don't compensate for my hips. I find it endlessly frustrating.

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I hope you find it helpful.

I'm just gonna go ahead and be anon on this one because lol.

I identify as genderqueer and am not out to a single soul, other than to an online queer community. None of my other online friends (or irl or anything) know, hence anon.

I could go into essay after essay about my experiences being genderqueer or other, but this project is about our bodies and how we feel about them so I'll try to keep on subject.

As cliche as it sounds, I've always hated my body. This got a whole lot worse when I hit puberty and started growing these massive hips. My shape is undeniably female. I've never been able to find curves attractive, even in most other women, just because it's what I see in myself and hate so much. I can't stand to look in the mirror before or after showering but I also make myself as a sort of sick, "remember how gross you look because you can't let this get out of hand" type of thinking.

My hips and thighs are probably my biggest area of dysphoria. I legitimately want to cry with overwhelming hatred when I think about them, and about how even some of the skinniest women I've seen have wide hips. I could give myself a full on eating disorder and still possibly never have the body I need to have. My thighs aren't AS bad because I've always had fairly slender legs (at least compared to the rest of me), so I feel that if I lost enough weight, my legs would probably be an acceptably gender ambiguous size.

My arms and shoulders are another serious problem area for me. I carry a lot of chub in my upper arms without much muscle definition; even for a woman, you could say my arms were fat. You'd never know I wasn't severely overweight if you just saw my arms (or my stomach or my hips or my back, for that matter. yikes.) I've been self-concious about them since I was in early elementary school. I rarely wear t-shirts unless the sleeves come down really far because they make my arms look so awful. And my shoulders, they're not exactly angular. I don't even know how to describe them except they're full of round? They're wide, which I don't mind, especially because that helps to balance out my hips, but they're so dang soft looking and it's always disgusted me. I just want angular, bony shoulders and thin, muscular arms.

And don't even get my started on my face. It's entirely feminine. From my eyes to my lips to my jaw to my cheeks and even my forehead, you'd know within a second of looking at me that I was female, regardless of how I was dressed or how I fixed my hair. At best, I look like an ugly, femme little boy. And at worst, of course, I look like an ugly, femme girl. Not that there's anything wrong with femme girls, it's just something I've always hated about myself. It was one of the contributing factors toward chopping my hair off. I'd much rather look like a fem-butch lesbian than like an awkward girly girl. Though my face will never carry the androgyny that most genderqueer individuals I've seen have. It's rather gross.

On a major TMI note, I feel the downstairs should be mentioned in a post like this, especially being anon. Basically, I have issues with it. I don't touch it, I don't use tampons (can't stand the idea OR the feeling of anything being 'up there'), and when I masturbate, I do so through my clothes, and as you can imagine, no penetration ever takes place. I used to shave because I thought I had to, now I don't do anything with it because at least the hair conceals it. I don't think I'd want a penis either, but if I had the choice, I'd go with that over this. When I was a kid, I had this elaborate plan to get some surgery that would be able to sew it all up and have it heal so that there was nothing there, it'd just be a continuation of the skin from my stomach going down over between my legs and there would be no extra bits or anything. Of course I realized I would still need to pee, so they could make a tiny little hole I would be able to pee out of, like a nostril type deal, and I wouldn't have to deal with genitals ever again. This was my early elementary school fantasy, folks.

I guess if I had to sum up my feelings about my body, they would be shame and disgust. I'm not one of those awesome 'love your body and love yourself' feminist queer folk at all. I'm one of those terribly insecure always-needing-to-look-more-male-and-never-succeeding folk who will probably never come to terms with themselves or if they do, it'll be after years of eating disorders and body mutilation, and it'll never be the ideal. I don't respect my body and I don't care for it properly because I've never felt a connection to it. I should be appreciative for it and the life it brings me, it does its job of keeping me alive and that's all that should matter, but it's also brought me a range of health and pain conditions along with some serious body dysphoria and I don't know how to be thankful for that.

Hope this helps! I'm excited to see what you come up with.

Hi, I'm a pre-hormones pre-op guy and I'd figured I'd chime in with my perspective -- I think I'm somewhere in the middle between people with intense dysphoria and people who're very comfortable with their bodies. I have a broad-shouldered, triangular body and I'm fairly tall; I'm not even trying to pass for male right now and it's already happened a few times inadvertently. So I realize I'm privileged in this regard in the first place. I am decently large-chested, however, but I've gotten the hang of binding.

For me my biggest point of dysphoria is my voice, actually -- I look at the rest of me and feel like it can be fixed or hidden, but the voice that comes out of my throat feels comical and high and is not the voice I hear narrating my thoughts in my head. I have no real negative attachment to a lot of things a lot of trans guys are unhappy about -- periods, for instance, are goddamned painful, but don't trigger my dysphoria -- but I'm a mezzo-soprano and it pains me not to be able to sing along to songs I like without using what feels to me like this ludicrous childlike voice. My breasts bother me sometimes, and the fat distribution on my hips/thighs (which, while not curvy for a woman, is curvy for a man), but I'm hoping T will remedy the latter.

I also hate being shorter than things. But I'm 5'8", so it could be a lot worse, and anyway I'm hardly the only insecure middling-height dude out there. :P

I'm Genderqueer and it's like I'm wearing a suit all the time. I dislike my breasts and hate to think of my vagina, It feels like its splitting me in two. Almost all the time I see myself as male. It's others that see differently.
On the other side I have a MTF friend who hates their penis. She wants a vagina so badly. She says it's like a piece of unwanted flesh attached to her.
Sometimes I wish we could just trade somehow.

I'm really confused as to the point of this blog. Is it just morbid curiosity? Of course transpeople (ftms, and mtfs at least) are uncomfortable with their bodies (pre-everything)...why even bother asking?

Hope I'm doing this right ;D

I'm a trans man, and I thought I'd hop in.
My relationship with my body is a strange one. I've lived in it for so long (and been told that I was stupid or insane for not wanting it to be the way it is) that I've almost grown strangely accepting of it.

This is not to say that I don't want it to be correct, or male.

When I wake up in the morning, it's like waking up to two heavy weights on your chest. Like... Rocks or bags of sand. My eyes open and the weight lifting begins. I have to pull myself out of bed and haul these two sand-bags around everywhere I go. When I see myself in the mirror I see 'Fat, ugly, stupid, idiot girl trying to be something she can never be'. I push the thoughts away and get ready for the day.

I don't bind much (as of yet) due to a lack in funds for a binder. What I do is wear very 'baggy' clothes. I end up 'hunched' because I try to draw any attention away from my boobs.

The vagina is a whole story of its own. I actually don't get any pleasurable sensation from 'penetration'... Whatsoever. It's just like about the same sensation as putting my earrings in, or sticking a tube through a plastic pipe. Nothing but "Hey there's something in there!" It's like just some wound that never closed... I like to think my penis got scared of the world out there when I was gonna be born and hid up in me, and that's the resulting hole.

Anyway, I hope I helped :)

My level of dysphoria depends on the day. Somedays no matter how well I bind, even if I am packing I still can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
I have noticed many people refer to their breasts as tumors on here and it's nice to see I'm not alone...I hate them. Sometimes I take a razor blade and have at it~ My lack of a penis usually doesn't bother me much because when I am packing I honestly forget it's not real, I forget until that viscious time of the month when blood begins to pour like a fucking massacre. I'm not sure it's not that bad but that's what it feels like, the shame involved in it...
Moving on though, I hate my curves, the way my waist narrows before coming out again in the form of hips. I hate my face, so feminine and soft, my eyes framed by overly long lashes. I want to rip them off sometimes.
My hands and fingers so small...
On some days it's alright and I actually forget I am female bodied. I forget until I get called a "she" and then it starts all over, "if only I was flat chested, if only my shoulders so narrow..."

I'm genderqueer, and I'm actually superhappy with my body most of the time...even when I used to try and pass as exclusively male, I always used to say I didn't mind anything about my body below the waist. My boobs are another matter, though, and I honestly wish I could just take them off whenever I wanted to. I used to bind, but I didn't want to ruin my chest for when I DO want to look female.
I guess that's my big thing - I'd love to be able to just take my shirt off in summer and such, and I can (and do, regularly) imagine myself with a male chest...but I'd want to be able to get them back. And I know it'd be the same if I was male-bodied, which is kind of frustrating.
It's really annoying that passing as male or looking androgynous is nigh on impossible once breasts get themselves involved, but I'm kind of getting there.
...I guess that's my input, really, there's not much else about my body that matters to me when my genderqueerness is involved - I must be lucky, it seems...